Kindred Spirits

January 21, 2021

Funny how two people that operate at similar frequencies can be drawn together by chance.

For the past year I forgot who I was, but I’m remembering that Jamie and I are kindred spirits and I can find him in me.

Jamie was ambitious, purpose seeking, never comparing or competing.  I always thought of competition as something ugly, coming from a comparison mindset.  But that’s an emotional lens, not a rational one.  Mutual competition from a place of love is amazing.  This year I was comparing myself a lot to Jamie, thinking I’m not good enough. I forgot who I was.

Jamie harnessed a kind of confidence that is intoxicating, confidence that comes from respect and love, not from a place of scarcity but from abundance. I was finding that confidence in myself those last few years, but in this last I lost it entirely. I’m digging to find where it is buried, because Jamie hated when I was down on myself.

Always seeking opportunity for growth, Jamie thought of something we could do together that neither of us had an advantage at. We chose climbing. I know now that coming into the sport in our partnership is a vantage point of privilege and abundance.

Climbing carries all the familiar human hurdles: anxiety, fear, ego. Some fear and comparison come from scarcity. Jamie and I gravitated to others who showed up to work on them, not operating from a comparison based mindset, people who understand these sports don’t make you a better person, they are opportunities for self-learning if you come to them with space for abundance. We found beautiful people there.

This past year my challenges have been delivered to me.  I promise you, Jamie, that I will again seek opportunities to challenge myself in ways I choose.  I’m remembering that I have been someone who embraces fear and listens to my intuition.

Jamie, I love you. I miss growing together. I’m sorry we will never know the people we were to grow into together.  I choose to grow into a person who carries you within me, folding us into me.  Thank you for believing in me and helping me seek opportunity.  In the short time we had we were incredible.  The possibilities left unlived will forever ache.